Makin' It Great!

It's not exactly right field, but you gotta admit that Sri Lanka is pretty far from home base.  If there's been any theme to my tales of misadventure so far it's been the entirely obvious proposition that living in small-town-South-Asia is a weeee bit different than big city slickin' back in NYC.  All snarkiness aside, I love getting out of my bubble and jumping in way over my head into a whole new culture with new people in a strange new environment.  Getting away helps you learn a lot about yourself and about your place in the world.  Getting away also makes you appreciate the things you had back home, too.

Like pizza. Oh dear god I miss pizza.  It's not like I need to eat pizza every day to be happy...I was just pleased to know that I could have if I so chose. Pizza was there for me at 4 a.m. when all the bars turned me away.  Pizza was there for me when I slept through brunch and just needed something to tide me over for three hours until dinner (which was probably more pizza).  Pizza was there for me what I was so lazy that I ordered in food for 7 straight meals and didn't leave my apartment for three days because I discovered Netflix on-demand and watched 3 seasons of Family Guy, the entire series of Arrested Development, a season and a half of Party Down and the new Star Trek movie without leaving the comfort of my 1 bedroom apartment.

After behaving myself for over four straight weeks - eating the local food, not drinking at home alone, not stuffing my face with random junk just cause it's cheap - 'bad habit Eric' started to peek out from behind the curtains.  He was sick of rice and curry.  He was tired of ginger tea and crackers for snack options.  He missed pizza and beer and he was making this point clear to me.  With surprisingly little resistance, 'bad habit Eric' stormed my psyche armed with a bat labeled 'id' and kneecapped my superego until it cried for mercy.  Now firmly in control of all my thoughts and actions, 'bad habit Eric' went straight to the grocery store and bought three rather large bottles of Carlsburg and concerned about the quality of the local fare, I hopped a tuk tuk for Pizza Hut.  Daddy was gonna party.

Nearly 25 minutes later when we finally got to the Hut, I ran in and demanded the largest pizza they had, covered in a ridiculous amount of toppings.  Cost was no issue, I screamed!  I want this topping and that topping and this crust and that side dish!  Finally I realized that the person at the register didn't speak any English, so I politely asked for the manager and ordered again, this time with less dramatic zeal.  I collected my prize and started back for home in my tuk tuk.

Exercising the utmost of self restraint, I sat with a pile of beer and an entire pizza next to me for 25 minutes knowing that once I got home the wait would definitely be worth it.  But I started to get antsy.  'Bad habit Eric' was still at the helm and he was p'd the f o.  Driver slowed down to avoid a pothole - I winced in anger.  Driver stopped to check his cell phone - I ground my teeth.  Driver pulled up alongside an impromptu parade of locals, all decked out in white, twirling fire and beating drums, marching in unison in a glorious celebration of their culture and heritage - I nearly went bat shit crazy from pizza-lust.  I wanted to scream at Driver, "if you don't get this rickshaw moving at blazing speed right now bro I'm gonna kick over one of those kids and start hurling fire balls at passers by.  My pizza is getting cold, my beer warm and my patience thin. Move it, or I swear upon all things holy you will, in fact, be made to lose it." But even 'bad habit Eric' has limits, so instead I said, "oh cool."

We finally pulled into the drive and I raced to my room, slammed the door shut and got to work.  I popped open the Carlsburg and took a long, glorious swig.  I stood proudly over an open pizza box working through two slices before I even took a breath.  Alternating between sudsy goodness and pizza magic, I wiled away the next couple hours in a dizzying haze of joy and grease, sentient only of the doughy ecstasy working its way into my every cell.  Even 'bad habit Eric' dropped the id bat and started to relax.  His unstoppable need for sin now met, he crawled sluggishly back to the dark nether regions of my soul to sleep it off.  After polishing off what was in theory a meal for four, I gathered up the solitary surviving slice destined for my next morning's breakfast and tossed it in the fridge while smugly grinning from ear to ear.

I truly felt like I earned that pizza.  I've been working pretty hard out here on some important ass issues.  That's why I play in Sri Lanka...way out where the dandelions grow.